this was my dad’s blanket. he bought it when he first arrived in ithaca, ny from taiwan. age 14, didn’t speak english, no parents around. he’s brought this blanket on every move he’s made since: to university in canada, to med school in los angeles, up and down california for residency, research, and jobs and finally to where we’ve settled since.
this blanket wears the marks of time and two generations of childhoods. there is a hole that needs to be mended, an old nosebleed stain in the corner, discolouring, but it’s still in tact and warm as it ever was. my mom had stowed it away in the garage years ago, and it sat collecting spiderwebs and dust, until i found it again one afternoon and decided to give it another life.
so i made a coat out of it. a pretty modified all well cardigan coat that i was trying to make look like the wiksten haori. i should just buy that pattern but i’m too cheap at this point. the quilting lines don’t completely line up and the discolouring is blinding, particularly at the shoulder seams because i didn’t cut around it. the hole in the blanket sits directly on the back of the coat. but although the outward appearance of this coat is shabby, it was made with care. i bias bound all the seams on the inside, and the hems, even handsewing it shut so the binding would be neat. and i have ideas on how to fix the discolouring. i want to dye the entire coat with indigo, and embroider over the hole in the back. it’s still an ongoing process and i’m excited to continue. making this coat, especially knowing the history of the quilt it’s made from, made me ridiculously happy for some reason. so here’s the base. i need to go out and buy some materials for indigo dyeing, and i’m hoping to finish it before i leave for college this summer. maybe i will even bring it with me. i like the idea of things coming full circle – my dad bought the quilt in ithaca, and now his daughter is returning there, with the same quilt. but if i don’t finish by then, i’m ok with that too. this quilt has lasted over thirty years and it still has more life to live. there’s no rush.
LS and i went for a walk on the ridge one afternoon and it was so lovely. i brought my camera and snapped some pretty photos of the fog rolling over the ridge and the various flowers alongside the trail, all while reminiscing about how much i am going to miss my home when i leave for college in the fall. i’m not going to lie, during first semester of senior year, i couldn’t wait to leave home and be independent and meet new people, but now i’m terrified of change. being stuck at home these past few months have grounded me to this place, and i’m so uncertain about what will happen when i finally leave…
i had a lot of fun editing the photos i took on lightroom. i’m really trying to develop my style and skills. i have a tendency to overedit or just slap on a vsco filter and call it good, but i want to learn to be subtle and become more conscious about the choices i’m making when editing. some of my inspirations at the moment are @dirtbagdarling and @t.w.w.c. and @_kellydudash_. i love their aesthetic and moody, yet dreamy tones.
sometimes i get discouraged when something doesn’t turn out the way i envisioned, so i just need to keep reminding myself that growth takes time and hours of practice. i won’t become good until i make many mistakes and put in the effort. the process is most important.
i had written a long explanation and thought process about how i am modifying my bust my scraps challenge to save my time and encourage my motivation to make things, but my computer decided to malfunction, and the whole post is now lost into the void of nothingness. (but actually, where do unsaved parts of the internet go? they have to be recorded somewhere, don’t they?) i’m a little frustrated, not going to lie, and i don’t particularly feel like rewriting everything.
so long story short, i have decided to give away a lot of the fabric i don’t like, and i also cleaned and organized my scraps bin by throwing away small scraps and selvedges and making my scraps more accessible. i realized that i was holding onto fabric i had no use for because of their sentimental value. the collection of fabrics i have pictured below is very old, and is mostly from my elementary school days when i was just learning to sew and knew barely anything. it’s fun to think about the memories associated with these fabrics whenever i see them, but they were taking up space and i knew my friend would have a better use for them than i would.
so here i am, recording the stories behind these fabrics, so i can look back on it someday and smile a little:
pink panda flannel! this flannel is so old. i remember walking in to the fabric store for the first time when i was eight and being overwhelmed by all the different fabrics on the wall. i had just started machine sewing back then at a summer camp, and my teacher had told me to choose fabric for pajama bottoms. little me only knew two types of fabric back then – quilting cotton and flannel – but that suited my projects just fine. i made my first big sewing project, and first pair of clothing out of these adorable pandas, and the remnants have been sitting in my closest ever since. i was so proud of those pajama pants and i wore them so much. knowing me, i think i still have those pants somewhere in a box in the garage.
this fabric is lovely. it’s got a pretty design with gold details, and i love it – except it’s pink and green. what’s funny is i bought this fabric to make a pillow for my room back when i was eight to ten, and back when my room was pink and green coloured. i can’t remember if i actually made that pillow…
grade 4, halloween. i’ve never been much of a costume person, especially on halloween, a holiday i have never really enjoyed (except for the sugar). to get around a costume, but not be questioned by classmates and the adults in the homes i would trick-or-treat at, i chose to at least wear the colours of the holiday. at after school camp, i made an orange dress and a black skirt to go underneath. i remember sewing a zipper, and feeling so proud to make clothing, though i’m sure the teacher did most of it. she definitely did the cutting part, because i can still hear my mom commenting on the uneven hem on the skirt that the instructor had ignored and assured me wasn’t noticeable (though it totally was).
also grade 4. we went on an overnight trip to a historical 1800’s pioneer fort, and everyone had to dress up. we wore long dresses and bonnets and learned how to make rope and candles and build a stool. my mom came along too, and she used this fabric to make a skirt for herself. i think i helped her use my sewing machine for this one.
i laugh when i see this fabric because i used it to make a pouch for my flip phone in grade 5. the pouch wasn’t perfect and there were a lot of raw edges, so i had planned to make another pouch, but i never got around to it. two years later, i got my first iPhone, so i abandoned the attempt all together. but my first prototype and self-driven project (without an adult helping) was so cute!
last piece – a lime green flannel with the cutest winter penguins on it. i saw this fabric at the store back in grade 4 and bought it to make something for my aunt, who loves penguins. i made a tote bag (i didn’t know flannel wasn’t meant for bags back then), a four patch pillow (a classic), and another pillow for my baby cousin.
i love looking at these fabrics because they show me how much i have grown. i feel incredibly advanced to even be sewing with a material like linen and canvas these days, because little me only knew what flannel was! i had no idea quilting cotton and knit were different materials. i laugh so much thinking about how far i’ve come, and i know i will have the same feeling ten years from now as well!
we are currently living in a time where marie kondo inspired minimalism is the trend, and stuff begins to feel excessive (though there is a difference between owning too much “useless junk” and having a home of character. i personally really enjoy the latter because those little quirks make me smile and feel that pang of nostalgia. maybe it’s just me though.)
there comes a time in every artist/crafter/maker’s life when we suddenly realize we are hoarders who can find sentimental value in just about anything – “oh, let me save that receipt, i might journal with it later…” – and throwing something away is frowned upon. even scraps of fabric can be used to make a scrappy quilt or bag (lauren of elbe textiles has made the coolest patchwork dresses and pouches out of her scrap bin). this is the creator mindset, one where there is value in every little thing, and it goes directly against the values of minimalism. it could also be an immigrant perspective. i read a really interesting article the other day from the atlantic about marie kondo and the privilege of clutter that made an interesting argument which had me re-thinking the minimalist trend. not trying to target marie kondo, i’m only using her because she is relatively well known as a face of minimalism that “sparks joy”. so which lifestyle do i want? i’m not sure yet. i love nostalgia, but i also love simplicity.
so musings on lifestyles aside, i have decided to clean my room. this isn’t like a three day, thorough spring cleaning, because i am trying to minimize the amount of waste that heads to the landfill. this is more of a year long cleaning, so i’ve decided to name it: the BUST MY STASH CHALLENGE. now it’s official.
basically the only rules are that i don’t buy any new fabric or notions (mainly zippers) until i’ve used up all the supplies i currently have. as you can see from the gallery of photos before, i have collected so much stuff over the past nine years. i’ve started projects, forgotten about them, and kept the fabric. and i have saved every scrap of fabric because i hate wasting pretty fabric.
a lot of the fabric, particularly in the bags in my closet, are old patterns that i really dislike now, or felt scraps that i’ve no use for. there is a substantial amount of yardage though, so i can’t bare to throw it away, especially thinking about the value. ah, i made such poor money choices when i was a kid. sadly, lamenting about my past self does not change anything, so this challenge is here to motivate myself to use it all. i have lots to work with, so this will probably take a while, but my ultimate goal is to have reduced my stash by 50% at the end of the year. i will be making lots of stuff, and experimenting with the fabric i don’t like, and getting creative as i decide how to use all my zippers and yardage. yay!!(?)
i would sell the fabric or give it away, but i’m too frugal and stingy to part with it, knowing that i will probably need some muslin fabric for future projects. also, some of the scraps aren’t that big, or the print is hideous and no one would likely want it…
i recently rediscovered a love of journaling. when i was younger, i used to try and write in diaries, but i would forget about it after a week or so. i have so many half-filled notebooks in my room with only the first few pages written on. ever since i started bullet journaling though, things have been different. i actually completed a whole year’s bullet journal which i am so proud about. i was trying to create a journal to document my summer, but i got so far behind and gave it up when i went to switzerland. i’m a little bummed, because that was an experience i would’ve loved to remember and i saved all the train tickets and stuff for it, but that’s ok. there’s always more adventures out there is what i’m telling myself.
at the beginning of this year, i was suddenly filled with so much gratitude for my life and my existence in my town and on this earth. i told myself i wanted to start living, and pursuing my passions. this blog is a result of that. so is my instagram, and youtube, and etsy. so is my journal. i’m going to fail a lot – i already have. no one has bought my font and i worked really hard on that, so it hurt a little bit, but i’ve moved on now. i have new ideas, and i’m being careful to not let myself get sucked in by the prospect of money.
this year is all about self-realization. i’ve already learned so much about myself and who i want to become in the future, and my journal is a place to reflect that. if i have a bad day, i just write everything out in my journal, and i’ve found that it takes so much energy to complain in writing that when i’m done, i suddenly feel so much more positive and i forget about what was wrong. if i’m feeling unmotivated or lacking creativity, i take out my magazines, stamps, washi tape, and paper and just create a spread or write about my day and decorate the page. my journal is comforting, and it’s whatever i want it to be.
my friend L was the reason for this change in perspective. i used to believe that my journal had to be perfect. i had to come up with a format and stick with it, and i was restricting myself, eventually causing me to lose interest or forget about my journal entries. last year, L showed me her bullet journal. it was different than mine; less daily spreads, and more life and pages filled with colours and magazine cutouts. there was so much character in her journal and i was so inspired by that.
i make my journal pages now using glue instead of tape. i love the way the pages crinkle with the glue, and how fat my journal is getting with all the paint chips and magazine pages i am gluing in. the notebook is both a scrapbook and a journal combined into one, and i love it. i love flipping through the pages, fingering the words a previous me wrote, reading about my struggles, or successes. i write the pages in my journal with my future self in mind, leaving myself notes for those bad days i know i will have. i write what i have learned, what i am grateful for, and who i am currently inspired by.
they say time travel isn’t real, but i believe it is. at least in a personal, psychological sense. in my journal, i can travel to the past. i can read my thoughts and remember a day by looking at a picture i have pasted in. i can get reinspired and remotivated by certain positive triggers. in my journal, i can also travel into the future. i can imagine who i want to be. i can put my life into perspective by letting my fingers slide through all the empty pages waiting to be filled.
my advice for those who want to start journaling but are afraid or hesitant or keep making excuses is to start. this is cliché, but it’s so so true. you need to let go of the idea of perfect, or instagram worthy. i have barely posted any pictures of pages from my personal journal, and that number will go down in the future. some things you don’t want to share with the world. make a journal for yourself. make a journal so you can read it ten years from now and laugh at who you liked, what you were stressed about, and what was important to your old self. my motto for this year is a quote that i lettered and stuck onto the wall above my desk from morgan harper nichols:
this is the season she will make beautiful things, not perfect things but honest things that speak to how she is.
be true to yourself, and make your goals come true. rachel pohl, another person i greatly admire on instagram, gave this advice:
do something worthwhile every day.
journaling is an account of all the worthwhile things i have done. and all the not so worthwhile things. this blog is too. you may have recently read about my rae pants adventure, and about my velvet cropped tank success. life is unpredictable, and through it all, my journal is always constant. the act of journaling keeps me sane. well, thank you for reading this far, and i hope you get something out of my thoughts! 🙂
hello 2019! i used to read lots as a kid, but over the years i’ve stopped except for the occasional sappy romance novel i’ll read when i’m avoiding other work or eating. lol. this year though, i am going to read more, and not just that, but read more meaningful books that have actual substance. i want to try my hand at some classics as well, and just expose myself to everything out there! i will also be keeping a list up on goodreads which has a mini review of each book.
some good reads from 2018 🙂
2019 reads:
Into Thin Air, Jon Krakauer
Between Shades of Gray, Ruta Sepetys
Something in Between, Melissa de la Cruz
Sons and Soldiers, Bruce Henderson
Code Name: Lise, Larry Loftis
The Six Keys, Jillian Michaels
How Zoe Made Her Dreams (Mostly) Come True, Sarah Strohmeyer
By the Book, Julia Sonneborn
The Boys in the Boat, Daniel James Brown
My Oxford Year, Julia Whelan
The Fault in Our Stars, John Green
Mother-Daughter Book Camp, Heather Vogel Frederick (audiobook)
Dear Pen Pal, Heather Vogel Frederick
The Little Book of Sloth Philosophy, Jennifer McCartney
The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society, Mary Ann Shaffer and Annie Barrows
in the hustle and bustle of today’s world, in bright city lights, in the addicting blue glow of our smartphones, we are surrounded by stimuli. we are surrounded by all these lights disrupting our natural circadian rhythm and telling us to stay awake when our bodies are telling us to sleep. the light usually wins the battle. have you stayed up just 15 minutes longer to watch a short youtube video, but ended up watching five more? i have. i bet you’ve found a really good show on netflix and just had to watch the next episode. when i tried out netflix, i did that. it was one of the reasons i cancelled my subscription. or the endless scroll takes over. life is stressful, and sometimes, it is so much easier to zone out and scroll through other people’s lives than face our own. i’ve done that too. and sometimes you can’t fall asleep. you stay awake and watch that show or read that book or suddenly decide to clean your room and have to finish. but that’s a lie, because you can fall asleep and your body wants to fall asleep, yet you’ve denied yourself sleep for so long you’ve developed a bad habit.
i used to sleep a lot. i slept so much that people made fun of me for it. i personally need a lot of sleep. i don’t drink coffee or tea, and if i don’t get nine hours of sleep i feel so mentally drained the next day. i know this. i know what i need to do to set myself up for a good day, or to keep myself healthy, but the holidays happened, i travelled, and i slipped back into years old habits of staying up and sleeping in.
it’s a new year, friends, and big events are looming in the horizon. i have lots of testing to look forward to, big soccer games, big track meets, more, more and more to prepare myself for college and beyond. i think we all feel the pressure, and that is why we are able to trick ourselves into an endless cycle of bad sleep. i justify my screen usage as relaxation, or resting. and that’s ok, but the truth is, screen time is not relaxing. it’s a full-time job to maintain an online presence and keep up with everything everyone is doing around you constantly every hour of the day comparing yourself are you doing enough jealousy overwhelmed stressed nervous in a constant competition to be the best look the best, fake it the best.
there’s a reason i’m bringing this up. i want to recenter myself and find more balance in my life, and i believe it starts with good sleep. a good night’s sleep sets you up for the day by making you more positive, tolerant, patient, resilient, and energized. it also helps you retain memories. i have not been doing this lately and i’m feeling the effects. i feel like i can’t remember what happened the previous week, and i’m tired all the time at school. i want to change that now. and maybe you do to. so here are some actions i am going to take to respond to my body’s plea, “sleep more.”
NIGHT ROUTINE: 10 steps to sleeping better ⭐︎☽
finish all of my homework right when i get home. turn my phone onto drive mode, or hide it. i want to have all my homework done by 8.
go on social media, relax, reward myself for being focused, and do whatever i need, but turn off my phone at least 30 minutes before i go to bed
stretch before bed
prepare my body for sleep: read a book, journal if i have any thoughts that are consuming my attention, meditate, pretty much anything that slows down my heart beat and can be done in dim light
dim the lights! i have a desk lamp with adjustable lighting, or candles work or a small lamp instead of a light that fills the room. dimming the computer or phone screen doesn’t really count.
set a bedtime that is adjustable based on how i feel. if i had a game or a hard practice, make it earlier. if i didn’t do much exercise and am not very tired, make it a little later. if not, i can always read until i feel sleepy.
drink warm water, put on lotion, close the curtains – make something a habit to do before I go to bed so I know it is time
remind myself that everything on texts, emails, and social media can wait until tomorrow. rarely anything is so urgent it needs to be seen or answered in an instant (at my age at least)
wake up early! this causes me to feel more productive in the morning and makes the day seem longer. i also feel more tired at night when i do this, and it creates a nice cycle of sleeping early and waking up early plus sunrises are magical!
lastly, just try to sleep. if I don’t want to, or can’t, there is usually some other reason behind it. usually it’s a thought or event that is stressing me out, or i am so tired i am in overdrive and i think i want to stay up. acknowledge why i can’t sleep, and fix it. writing things out or listening to a meditation app is very helpful for that.
and that’s all from me at the moment. it’s getting late, and i need to get into routine and train my body to sleep more. i definitely notice a difference when i do these things, and my goal for this year is to follow through with it. i hope you found something meaningful from reading this self-reflection of mine and i wish you good night!
we chased the sunrise up the mountain at 7:00 this morning. i dug out my camera from the depths of the catch-all basket in my room and brought it along. there was another car at the trailhead, but we ended up not seeing a soul along the trail. the sky was a brilliant red as we drove up the mountain and slowly turned orange and golden. we hiked through the sunrise, the sky shifting colours above us as we ran along the trail and walked up the steep part. the other side of the mountain was just as pretty, glowing a soft pink colour as light cascaded along the hills, some areas still blue from the shadows.
the hills surrounding us are a photographer’s dream. there are so many layers and colours and textures everywhere you look! my photographs don’t do the landscape justice.
the light was incredible! i’ve never seen such pretty lighting in my life. everything looked good in this light, and i took some cool portraits of my dad. the quality was amazing and the sky and the colours and the highlights on just the right spots… it was such hopeful lighting. i feel so grateful to be able to wake up and experience that morning. and right as we were turning around, the fog started rolling in above us and the wind picked up. it was weird to see the fog rolling towards the ocean, as it usually comes into the valley. it was so nice to catch such a beautiful sunrise before the sky clouded over.
we came home at 9:00, picked up E, and then left for breakfast at the café. another perfect sunday morning 🙂
i woke up early with dad and we slipped out of the house with fid and drove to the ridge for a quick hike before the rains. it was magical as usual – the sky was overcast above us but there was a warm, orange glow in the distance over the bay as the sun tried to peek through the clouds. i never bring my phone on these hikes, so i used dad’s phone to take a picture of the mountains. maybe one day i’ll dig out my watercolours and attempt to do the landscape justice.
same view, a different day, equally beautiful !!
my favourite part of these hikes is being surprised every time i step onto the trail. there’s so much visible from the top of the ridge and it is almost impossible to get bored sprinting up the hills, stopping at the top, and soaking in the moment, breathless from the steep terrain and so alive.
we came home, went to breakfast, and came back. i pulled out my maths homework and made some progress on fer #3. the rain came in the afternoon, small drops at first and then a battering windows, howling wind kind of rain which makes me want to curl up in bed with blankets and a movie. but i went to the library to study with L and some friends instead for our ap bio final.
i really like studying in the library because the bench to table height ratio is excellent for productive work. it was really crowded though today, and i was pretty busy helping answer friends’ questions and only made it through unit 1. the library closed earlier than expected so L and i packed and went to my house to continue. i picked up some secondhand books though that i’m really excited about – both the price and the content.
so much inspiration and aesthetic right here
a few years ago, i came across a book i really wanted to read but couldn’t find at the library – and you can probably guess what book i found today for $2! the same book! so i luckily had some money on me and bought it, along with another book on native plants that i’ve also subconsciously wanted for inspiration for stamp making. it’s fate.
at home, we ate pizza and continued to study on the dining table. i discovered that i work much better sitting on a bench rather than a chair so i took the piano bench and used that. L and i got a lot done and studying was actually enjoyable. something about writing in pen in a notebook is very soothing and satisfying. i got through three bio units so i’m really happy about that, and i should be on track to be ready for finals. i’m going into finals week feeling pretty solid!
a binder of old work, a current binder, a notebook of study guides
MTL ✷ 